Odium and Love
by theimpossibleispossible
Summary: They both knew the icy empty feeling the bed radiated, yearning that bright warmth. It was common for them to feel a little hollow. Even for Olivia who had Noah. Yet, soon enough Olivia and Nick find Love in one another. First Fanfiction! A Bensaro Drama :) The idea for this was born from the episode Padre Sandunguero. I use dialogue from the episode (sorry Dick Wolf).
1. A Drink

Olivia walks in the bar, sighting Tucker from afar, she views that she too has been spotted by his crystal eyes. He accelerates his speed, and so does she, wanting to get over "the chit chat" about to happen. She then thinks to herself, «_I should have asked him to meet me at my place, could still be with Noah… too late I suppose since he's standing right in front of me._»

"Sergeant." Tucker plays.

Olivia quickly cuts to why she primarily went out of her way to accept his invitation, "Amaro has no interest in protecting his father. He is not trying to fix this." She says serious.

"All right, so much for the small talk, but since you're asking, I would hate to be him right now. He either testifies against his father which is barbaric or he looks like he's conspiring to cover up a crime." Olivia decides to agree with him partially. "Almost feel sorry for him."

She doesn't hesitate to say, "Wow. Getting soft in your old age."

"Maybe…" a small pause occurs before he comments, "So you gonna just stand here talking about Amaro or can I buy you a drink?"

Confuse but at the same time flattered she decides, "How's the wine here."

Happily he adds, "I think you should try the bourbon."

A smile appears on Olivia's lips as she follows Tucker to the bar, while an eyebrow lifts up in surprise. The bar appears to be too crowded, with only one seat open. He immediately signals her to sit, standing right beside her. "We could order something to eat if you'd like, unless you're interested in dining." He adds swiftly, noticing how uncomfortable the situation was making her feel.

A spark in her laugh made itself translucent in the business of the place, "Your old age making it difficult to stand?" she said looking at him in the eyes.

"Just wanted to be a gentleman and invite you to dinner." He said feeling a little rejected.

Olivia nodded, about to confirm, but then she remembered about Noah. Dinner could probably delay her an hour more. "How about we take turns standing up?"

He nodded, then looking at the bar tender, "Two bourbons, please." He then took his phone out, contemplating the screen viewing the time, 6:38. "Who's with Noah?"

"Babysitter, I didn't want his nanny to stay with him after a long day. She deserves some free time, too. Just because I can't get any, doesn't mean she can't either."

"I know SVU keeps you busy… and now you have to put up with me and some drinks. If you want I can take you home right now."

The bar tender, places their drinks in front of them, then a couple sitting down leaves, giving Tucker an open seat next to Olivia. "No, let me finish this…drink first." She was quick to smile nervously, looking into her glass.

Olivia and Ed talk for a while, but then Cassidy's name soon comes up. Causing her to tense up, she didn't like talking about the past much and it was evident, especially of her personal life. Yet, from all the other men in her life, she felt like Cassidy was one of the more difficult ones to talk about. At first she totally wanted to avoid the subject. "So… do you still talk to him?"

"No… I don't, I'm happy without him, he's not the reason why I seem miserable."

"You always seem miserable to me, even when you were with him…"

She laughs, "Thanks, and you've always… I don't know, can't think of anything right now. But I feel like it's time for me to go home." She said finishing her drink.

Ed pays the bill, then offering to take Olivia to her home. She smiles and agrees. He grabs her from an arm to gently escort her out. She looks at him with an awkward smile, hoping that Ed's car is somewhere close, at the same time wondering what has gotten in to this man.


	2. An Amusing Invitation

**An Amusing Invitation**

"Thanks for bringing me up all the way up here..." She said opening the door, waiting for him to part from her point of view.

"Just want you to get home safe, Olivia," He looks inside Olivia's apartment and spots Noah on the floor with the babysitter playing with some toy blocks and fluffy stuff animals. "That Noah?" Olivia laughs to herself, wondering what a foolish question that was.

"Yeah…" she smiles, "that's my boy."

"Do you mind if I come in to meet him."

"You like kids?" Olivia looked at him raising both her eyebrows, "Guess you are getting soft in your old age." Ed felt her tone was a little hostile.

Yet, he walked in, the babysitter standing up, leaving Noah with a soft teddy bear in his hand… but Noah preferred holding it with his mouth. Olivia smiled, then pulling the babysitter to the side, giving her thanks for being able to baby sit in much short notice. She took out her purse and paid her, and soon after that she was out the door. Olivia looked back to see Ed with little Noah in his lap.

"You gonna be a police when you grow up? Gonna catch a lot of perps like your mom."

All that was running through Olivia's mind was: _«What the hell…»_

"Do you want anything to drink?" She quickly offered.

"How about some coffee. No milk, a bit of sugar." _«Damn»_

Olivia went to the kitchen to prepare his coffee, while being attentive to what Ed was doing with Noah. Everything was so weird, it wasn't that she didn't trust him, but rather just didn't ever get along with him.

She brought him his coffee, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. As she entered her room she took off her coat, undid her belt and laid on her bed. All she wanted to do was cuddle with Noah and find some sleep. "Okay." She said to herself getting up from her bed, going into the restroom.

When she went back to the living room she faintly heard the phone ring. "Olivia, someone was calling. I didn't want to answer."

"Ohh. I wonder who that must have been." She said curiously, but there was really no one who ever called her.

Soon Amaro's soft and masculine voice went through the answering machine, she smiled knowing it must have been him. "Hey, Liv, it's me Nick. I was wondering if after the trial you and Noah would like to go to the zoo and grab some ice cream. Zara has been anticipating to meet him. Hopefully you can call me back. Night."

"Hmm... Amaro's kid in town?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

Noah became squirmy, rubbing his eyes with his hands. Olivia grabbed him from Ed's arms, then kissing Noah's forehead. "Ohh baby, you tired?" She then rested his head in top of her chest. She went over to the lamp, turning it off, leaving the kitchen lights on, keeping everything dim. She sat on the sofa adjacent from Ed.

"You look beautiful as a mom. I never thought you had this side to you, Benson." Olivia tried her hardest not to blush, her skin and lights helped hide it, but her eyes forgot to.

"Ohh..." was all she added to that, "If you can excuse me, I'm going to put him to bed."

She left with Noah in her hands, kissing his forehead until they had reached Noah's crib. "Goodnight my baby boy, I love you."

She was quick to kiss his forehead once more, he was quick to close his eyes. So she turned off the lights. Olivia stayed there, watching as his chest went up and down in sync with his breath. It wasn't long until the thought of the message that Nick left her entered her mind. Of course she wanted to go, she thought it was sweet how he considered Noah.

As she went back to the living room, it was evident that Ed was still in her living room. She sat down next to him, and asked if he wanted anymore coffee. He was quick to reject her offer, but also thanked her for the gesture. She couldn't help but to wish that soon he would be on his way out of her home. He tried talking to her, but really it seemed like a never ending interrogation, he kept asking questions, Olivia couldn't but help to be nervous or unsure. There were moments where she found herself spacing off, yet it was a certain gesture that brought her back to where she was.

"Olivia," he said squeezing her hand. "I know I have never really been a person who you could come to agree with. I just want you to know that I try to my job the best of my ability, the way you do yours."

"Ohh..." (Yes that's all she said, what else did she have to say, "Goodjob". Definitely not after all the times IAB managed to get involved with SVU.)

He gently rubbed his thumb on her warm cheek, his eyes looking deep into hers. She swallowed rather noticeably, keeping her eyes wide open. "But I can't hide it no more. You should know that I have grown fond of you. Everything about you."

Ed pulled her chin gently, allowing her lips to be up close to his. She could not believe what was happening, Ed was about to kiss her. She looked into his eyes nodding gently, telling him with her stare that he could; kiss her, now.

He kissed her intensely, while holding her rather tightly. Olivia knew she had made a mistake letting it get this far, but at the same time knew she had been over taken by what she felt were her needs. She put her hands through his dirt frosty hair. He gripped her from the waist, pulling her close to him, but she was quick to push him back, using a lot of force. She was not going to allow this, especially not with that man who had caused her so much anguish throughout the years.

**AN: Hey I hope your liking it so far! Yes you, person looking at the screen, taking the time to read my work! I just want to ask you to be patient… Bensaro action will be developing in the chapters to come. Give it time! I hope to post the next chapter by Feb. 5, 2015.**


	3. Wanted

**Wanted**

"Please, can you leave?" her voice dripped into a plead, "I need you to leave now."

Tucker nodded, standing up from the couch, "I will only leave, because you have asked me to." He looked at her with crystal eyes, feeling her rejection.

"Good, I appreciate it." Olivia's voice said with some sort of serenity after the discomfit moment had ceased. She watched him as he left, slowly, it seemed as if he thought that she would change her mind. When the door shut, Olivia's eyes filled with tears. She was fast to lock the door, but faster at stripping off her clothes, looking for her pajamas.

As soon as she finished buttoning on the last button, her soul sank deep to her stomach, knocking her off her feet. She felt gravity guide her to the floor, eyes shut, with her hands ready to break the fall. Her chest shook as her cry became louder, it was the thought of Noah waking up that made her suffocate and diminish her cry. Pulling her knees close to her chest, Olivia rested her head on her knees. It wasn't Ed, who gave name to her pain, but the thought of having no one by her side. She felt like she was running on empty, so out of gas… and she didn't like it. Counting the months since Cassidy left didn't help, it just worsened the pain, because it made her realize that though she wasn't happy, he was still there. At least she had someone to talk to, at least she felt wanted.

Olivia bit her lip, feeling how the tears guided their way to her chin. Right when she was about to let out another cry, she heard clatter coming from outside. Quickly she shoved her tears to the side, getting up to see through the window. It was a young couple fighting, the young man was so mad that he pushed the tin trash can onto the floor. Right as he lifted his fist to strike what looked like his girlfriend, the young woman stepped backwards, saying something. He quickly let his fist fall by the side of leg.

She quickly closed the curtain, knowing that the girl was out of danger, and not wanting to snoop around anymore. She laid on her bed, just starring at the ceiling, wondering, secretly hoping that she'd fall into a deep sleep, the type that smacks her eyes close, where the alarm clock… or Noah are the only things that can get her up.

A ring echoed, opening her eyes, her phone shined on top of her nightstand. "Hmm..." She managed to moan. As she lifted herself up to look at the screen, a call came through. It was Nick. She quickly answered, "Hey." Her voice sounded a little rough.

"Hey, Liv." Nick said, "Sorry for calling again. I called your home phone previously."

She smiled, "Yeah, haven't heard that machine go on in a while. Sorry I didn't get back to you, I was with-"

"Noah," Nick finished her sentence. She agreed, but what she was really going to comment about how awkward it was to have Tucker over. "Little boy keeps you busy, I know how it's like. Children are unpredictable; I honestly don't remember ever being like that.

A big smile appeared on Olivia's lips, "Neither do I. Noah can be handful sometimes, but he's so worth it. You know what I mean?"

There was a small pause, "I did, I still do, just not as much. Not with Zara in Calif-" He stopped himself from saying more, for all he knew his daughter could be right outside the door.

"I'm sorry." She pouted.

"No, don't. It's not your fault, Liv." He didn't want her feeling bad for him; he didn't want her feeling bad at all to start with. He hated it when she was upset; her eyes just didn't seem to shine the same way they did as when she was happy. "It's never your fault…" he said under his breath.

"What?" Olivia asked not being able to hear what he had said.

Nick decided to change the topic, "So tomorrow… Do you want to go?"

Olivia thought to herself, trying to remember if she had any plans besides attending the case that Nick was going to testify against his dad. "Yeah, it sounds fun. I'm sure that Noah would love to go, well it's not like he has a choice." Nick laughed, and Olivia smiled hearing him. She never realized how beautiful his laugh was.

He cleared his thought, noticing how he was the only one that chuckled. He was quick to ask her why she didn't laugh. All she could do was give a complicated answer on how she didn't notice that it was funny, she then laughed nervously. That only made Nick smile, more then he already was.

"You okay with me picking you up in the morning to go the trail?"

"Yeah, what time?"

"About an hour before the trial starts." Olivia agreed that it was a good time, and that he should call her when he's almost there.

Suddenly the phone call turned into something more personal. Nick told Olivia everything, like what Maria was doing with Zara, and how some of it bothered him, and how he felt like the gap of space between them, the one from New York to California, was distancing him from his daughter. He mentioned how much he missed being able to hold his little girl so close to him, the way she hugged him when the bad dreams lurked. Nick was on the verge of tears; Olivia could tell by the way his voice kept breaking. Olivia calmed him down, by telling him that it was okay, feeling crappy like that was okay. She just reminded him that in a few years Zara would be able to choose who she wanted to live with, and that while she was there he had to enjoy every second he got to, even if it just meant admiring her face. Which was quickly changing with every visit to New York.

Nick smiled, "Your right…"

"I know." She smiled, "Now how about we get some rest, tomorrow won't be such an easy day and-"

"As long as your there, I'm fine." Olivia smiled, not knowing what to say next. She wanted to say the same thing, but she froze. She clenched her fist in desperation… what could she say?

Nick noticed that he might of let his emotions to spill a little more than they should have. The silence only made it worse, so he dared to speak, "You should get some rest, night Liv. See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Nick."

"Night, Liv, sweet dreams." Olivia couldn't help but to half smile. She lightly left her phone on the night stand, thinking about what Nick had said. Nick made her feel important for the first time in a while, he made her feel wanted.

**AN: I hope you like it so far. I will post Saturday or Sunday! Please tell me what you think so far, I love to see what you guys have to say. I can guarantee bigger BENSARO moments are to come! **


	4. This Moment

**This Moment**

His eyes looked at her gently, noticing the manner in which she played with her hands. Olivia's eyes were placed somewhere in the distance, but as soon as he started talking her eyes found their way to him. He took the stand, being interrogated. The whole time he tried to keep his cool, but with every question asked he began to lose it. Nick was a bit frustrated and felt that the case was not heading anywhere, was the jury and the judge really going to let his father walk away? His eyes turned a bit glassy, like marble. Through the back of Olivia's mind, ran the phrase: "As long as you're there, I'm fine." She wasn't sure how to make Nick feel better… She felt a pinch in her heart, a slight pain. It let her know that there was nothing that she could do at the moment.

As Nick began to speak again, he glanced at Olivia, whom was looking very serious. He lost his words, looking at her, so instead he looked at Rafael, trying to recollect his thoughts. Olivia noticed the way he looked at her, he seemed mad, not sure if it was because how bad the trail was going, or because of last night. Somehow her mind managed to weave the thought of her not saying anything after he told her that as long as she was there, he was going to be okay. Yet, he wasn't, she could see it in his tense jaw, his eyes and way he was speaking.

Soon his words got mixed up, he looked so perplexed on the stand, and Olivia wanted him to get down, so he could simple be at peace. Somehow everything about the case became so personal and close to Nick, there was so much emotion going through his body. He felt like he did a horrible job.

Outside of the courtroom, Olivia approached him suddenly, noticing how his mom and sister starred him down as they walked away from him. Nick shook his head combing his hair with fingers, and then resting his face on his strong hands. She hovered around him, hoping that he would notice her. He obviously did, but he felt embarrassed to display himself to her in this manner. As the hallway became empty and the familiar faces fled, Rafael stopped to talk.

"Can you give us a moment?" Olivia said before he could say anything. Rafael nodded, viewing the state in which Amaro was left in. Olivia sat next to him, bumping her knee playfully into his. He looked up at her smiling, feeling the way she kept touching his knee with hers. "I didn't do a good job…" She said to him looking at him with wide eyes. He clenched his fist, knowing that he was about caress her soft face.

"What are you talking about?" Nick asked.

Olivia impeded her answer, "Well," she said, "You said that as long as I was here…you would be fine, but you seemed distressed the whole time up there."

Nick shook his head, "No, that's not true. I'm really glad that you came; I know it would have been harder without you. Just trust me when I say that."

She smiled at him and he smiled back. He got up, giving her his hand, Olivia hesitated to grab it.

"Nick," her voice shook, "You can let go." She said referring to his hand. He did, but there was something in her eyes that didn't want him to. Small talk on the way to the car occurred, when Nick opened her door, she got in. It was instant where he proceeded to check if her seatbelt was secure, when she noticed something, he really cared about her.

"So," he said with a tremble, "Zara left back to California early this morning. I tried my best to convince Maria, but she used the family drama as a motive for her to go back home." The car engine was on, but they were going nowhere.

"You've had a rough day, Nick."

"I know, Liv." He smiled trying to assure her that he was fine, "So the trip to the zoo is off." Olivia thought that they could still go, even if it meant just them two and Noah. Yet, from the tone in which Nick had said it, she suspected that the trip to the Zoo might have been Zara's plan. The thought of him caring for her disappeared; maybe he was just being nice because he had to. He was not only her partner, but she sergeant.

"Yeah, maybe next time Zara is in town."

"Hopefully. So Liv," he began to drive, "your house?" That confirmed her hypothesis, Nick was only being nice because he had to, at least that's what she thought. It hurt her, her thoughts, the ones that gave a faulty explanation to Nick's actions, which she recently began to analyze.

Olivia looked out the window; she thought to herself, _«Only, I don't want you to go…»_ Her eyes closed shut, resting her head against the glass. She felt so confused, was her relationship with her partner getting really strong, or was there more. This wasn't the first time she developed these feelings for someone. Last time she was heartbroken because of it. A few tears slipped from her eyes, racing down the slope of her face. « Nick noticed what was happening so at the next light he looked right at her, "Olivia… Are you okay?"

She nodded gently shifting her head towards the glass window. Nick grabbed her chin, making it point towards him. Her eyes were red, and surprised. "Stop… Don't touch me!" Olivia raised her voice as she spoke through the tears.

Nick let go, he didn't want to cause her more harm, and that's when a chorus of cars honking echoed in the background. He put both hands on the steering wheel, feeling uncomfortable. He kept analyzing the last few minutes in which he and Olivia had been talking, trying to identify what could have triggered her reaction. He kept his eyes on the road, but from the corner of his eye he could see Olivia wiping away the tears, facing forward trying to pretend nothing had happened. Yet, it evident something happened and he was determined to find out.

He almost missed Olivia's street when something had clicked. The courtroom, the one they had been in earlier, it was the same one where she testified against William Lewis. Nick wasn't going to let Olivia walk out on him; he was going to get to the bottom of this. He parked the car right in front of Olivia's apartment building, just as he noticed that she was about to open the door, Nick locked the car. "Wait…" Nick waited for her to turn around.

"I'm sorry, Nick." She said looking at him, "I have no idea what got into me… I… I should go. Thanks for the ride." She forced a smile.

"Wait," he grasped her hand, "can I come in to say 'hi' to Noah?" Olivia broke into laughter, she smiled at him and made up an excuse that Noah would probably be napping, and that some other time would be better. Nick cleared his throat, "Can I come in and say 'hi' to Olivia Benson?" He was using his charm, and that made the whole thing more uncomfortable for her.

She cleared her throat and said that she had to go; quickly she opened the car door closing it with much force, then heading towards the building's door. Nick didn't know what to do, he lost her. Yet, he wasn't going to let it end like this. He stayed there thinking about the way Olivia had just walked out. "Why didn't I go after her?" His voice dimmed. With great force exited out of the car, going up to Olivia's apartment. When he got there all he could do was stare at the door. He was so undecided, and he knew Olivia would not appreciate his presence, but he was going to get to the bottom of it. As he was about to knock on the door, it opened.

**AN: So what you think? I wish I could post Valentine's Day, but I have a retreat to go to. :/ I will post two chapters this next Monday. **** Thanks for reading.**


	5. Kissing Ass

**Kissing Ass**

"Hi, Olivia is giving Noah a bath. If you want you can wait for her in the living room. I have to go now." Noah's babysitter said rushing outside, leaving the door open. He nodded, feeling more thankful than ever and cautiously stepped a foot inside. It had been a while since Nick was in Olivia's home, but everything seemed to be in its place. He admired her effort to keep the house in top shape, but he noticed that Noah had gotten more toys as he glanced at the floor. There were trails of small stuff animals, and various shapes with infinite colors. On the couch there was a big fluffy stuffed animal; by the looks in was a bear. He sat down next to the big brown bear, and listened to the distant hum coming from the bathroom. A tiny smile formed in Nick's face, he got up to see if he could get a better listen. Carefully without a single noise, he made his way to right outside of the bathroom. Almost on cue, she stopped humming.

"I think a little trip to the park wouldn't be such a bad idea." He voice echoed, "You're just going to have to wait until tomorrow though. Don't want to get you sick, because, baby it's cold outside." Olivia's voice was of a lighter tone than usual. It sounded much different from how it was in the car, broken and full of sorrow. He was glad that she was okay, but he still wanted to know why she was in tears only moments earlier.

Right when Nick was going to make his way back to the living room, he stayed when he heard his name, "Nick cancelled on going to the zoo, I promise to take you some time soon." The way she said it, made him feel bad, he had forgotten about Noah, only focusing on how Zara was gone.

Nick went back to the living room, trying to find which words to use, he wanted Olivia to confess to him why she had acted the way she did in the car. When he heard the water stop and the faucet close, he almost decided to leave. Yet, he stayed firm and still, even when he heard Olivia's voice down the hall.

"What are you doing here, Nick?" Olivia asked while she had Noah in her arms, wrapped in a towel which had a duck hoodie. She walked up closer, though Nick was there uninvited, she felt safe.

He cleared up his voice, "Your babysitter let me in…" there was a moment of static, "If you want I can leave. Even though…"

"Even though? What?" Olivia asked.

"I want to talk to you about something, Liv. Today, you cried, and I just want to know why."

"Nick, I'm not sure how to tell you this." A miniscule smile appeared on her lips, but left in a blink of an eye. He looked at Noah, noticing how fast he was growing, being quick to pinch his little cheek.

He took him from Olivia's hands, and he was soon to let small laughs. "Haven't seen you in a long time, buddy." Nick kissed the top of his duck hoodie, "You just keep growing, looks like pretty soon you will be driving a tiny car."

She laughed, then mentioning that it would be a toy car if anything soon. Her eyes transfixed him, leaving him without a word or a thought.

Olivia asked Nick to get comfortable, and to help himself to anything in the fridge, she now had food there too. He laughed, then noticing the way in which Olivia looked at him. He could almost admit that expression upon her face was the opposite of the one in the car (which was one filled with tears about to escape, and fear). She disappeared with Noah, letting Nick see the movement her hips.

Without a sound, Olivia peaked her head inside the living room, hoping that Nick would be on his phone, so that she could scare him. What she found was a Nick Amaro looking right at her, getting up from his seat. «What are you doing, Liv? » He thought, right before standing a foot in front of her. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded, feeling stupid. They sat in the sofa, facing one another in silence. It felt good, for both of them, there was so much serenity in the way they looked at one another. But then she remembered why Nick was there, because she cried, and she didn't want to talk about it. She still wasn't, frankly she was confused on what she felt for him. The way she was about her last partner. One thing she did know was that she didn't want to do was lie to Nick, or maybe because she knew she couldn't. What made her heart sink even more was that after the harsh day Nick had, he was still worried about her. She was unsure on how to start the conversation; she thought it would be better to let him start. A few more minutes passed, and soon both began to squirm.

"Noah, in his room?"

"Yeah, I thought he could take a nap." She smiled.

Nick cleared his throat, "Your smile is so delicious, which brings me to why I came. What happened in the car?"

"Well… It's complicated." She played with her hands. Nick's hands cupped them, preventing them from moving.

"Then start talking."

"I don't know how to."

"Does it have name?" Nick asked, thinking about how they were in the same courtroom in which she

"What?" she said more puzzled than ever.

"Tiene nombre tu dolor? Does your pain have a name?" he said in tone filled with anguish.

Olivia's head dropped, her pain did have a name; Nick Amaro. How was she supposed to tell him, he would never understand, and would it only add the list of things that could horribly go wrong? Yet, in the other hand she knew he had the right to know. He was to know. "Yes, it does, and it's yours."

He let go of her hands, surprised right out of his mind. It would be honest to say that this moment filled him with more sock, then the day in which Maria decided to leave him. Nick nodded his head, not knowing what to say, so he decided to take it step by step. "What did I do?"

"Nothing, Nick. It's all in my head. You've done nothing wrong."

"No!" Nick said getting all up in her face, "Liv," he calmed himself, "tell me. I want to know. If you don't tell me how am I supposed to fix this" he said pointing to her face.

Olivia grabbed his hand, feeling how smooth it was with the other, "You don't have to. I would prefer if we could just forget about this… I know it's a lot that I'm asking, but can you?"

"No." he shook his head. "Olivia, I need to know."

"I guess I don't have another choice, but to tell you." She took a deep breath, "You terminated our plans to the zoo, and you didn't even ask me if I still wanted to go. I felt like you put me and Noah to the side."

Nick put both his hands on his face, "That's it?" he said in disbelief, "Well," he continued, "I'm sorry, like you said; I've had a hard day." It was noticeable that Nick didn't what she was saying.

Her eyes watered a bit, "Nick, I know why you're nice to me. Just drop the act, you're not fooling anyone anymore."

"What are you talking about Olivia?"

She screamed, "Ever since you came to SVU, you've been a two face. Acting all nice, when in reality you're just selfish and manipulative. When you had trouble with Maria or Zara and IAB, I was there. You've kissed ass all your life. Don't you ever get tired of it? You don't have to pretend with me anymore Nick, stop being the nice guy. Not sure why you do it, but... I know I'm your partner and Sergeant, but I hate to break it to you, but you won't get anything out of me."

Nick stood up in a jump, "That's it! I have no idea what you are talking about. You're crazy, are you sure your little therapy sessions have helped? Cause I'm damn sure you aren't in your right mind."

"Maybe I'm not. What I do know is that we can be partners anymore." She cringed at him.

"Why?" he said confused, "Just because I'm nice to you?" His voice softened, "I'm not sure what has gotten into that pretty little head of yours, but I can sure tell you you're wrong."

Olivia stood up, "Just go."

Nick grabbed her from the shoulders and looked at her; he whispered that he would not go. Olivia didn't say anything; she just lost herself in his eyes. Nick pulled her into a hug, gently moving his hands behind her back. He could feel her heavy breathing on his shoulder. "Liv, I'm sorry." He then kissed her head, slightly above her ear. "You're not a crazy, I'm just stupid. I never want to stop being your partner, because I love working with you, also you."

"You do?" she asked.

"Yeah, you're an amazing woman. I know I'm overprotective with you, but it's only because I care about you. Liv," he kissed the top of her head again, "What don't and do you want me to, just tell me and I'll change, but don't ask me to leave SVU."

"No," she said, "I just want you to sincerely answer one question: Why do you always act to so nice with me, why are you always kissing my ass?"

Nick laughed, his soft sexy laugh, "Liv, can you drop that, I'm not an actor. I'm Nick Amaro, I don't act nice, I am nice." He sounded sort of cocky when he said that. "About your ass," he added, "I've never kissed that." He whispered into her ear. Olivia's eyes opened wide, lighting a mischievous smile on her face, she was glad he wasn't able to see that. Olivia hugged him tighter.

**AN: I am sorry for not posting two episodes today. Yesterday evening, I came home super sick. I am even sicker, today. I have no idea how I managed to type up this chapter. Please let me know what you think! Do you like where this is heading? What could it use? **

**P.S. Better Bensaro moments and Tucker on their way. I've got many ideas **


	6. Letting The Walls Fall Down

**Letting the Walls Fall Down**

"He's still sleeping; do you want me to wake him up?" Nick looked over at Olivia. She thought to herself for a minute, then smiling back at him. Her head gently nodded, affirming that she meant yes. "Okay," he said, "I think I'm going to get going now."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, still looking up at him. He half smiled, and came closer. Nick slid his fingers down her hair, noticing the small smile that formed in her lips. "Are you doing anything tomorrow?"

Nick's voice sounded deep, "No, I'm not."

Olivia then invited him to breakfast, telling him to be at her house around eight. Nick loved breakfast at Olivia's house. He got so used to it, when he was staying at her place a while back. He obviously accepted. Everything was so crazy for him back then, and Olivia offered him a place to stay, but he felt like he never said 'thank you' enough.

"That sounds like a good idea," he said, "anything you want me to bring."

"Nah," she said placing her hand on top of his, "just yourself." Olivia stood up, and his hand slipped off her shoulder, he then gripped her hand softly. She smiled, "Goodnight, Nick."

"Night, Liv." He whispered in her ear as he opened the door and slipped out of her house. He worked his way to the elevator, his eyes foggy. He pressed the button, then taking out his phone, it was his mom. Nick then called her, to see what was going on, but instead he got sent to voicemail. Frustrated he hit the elevator button once more; only seconds later did the door open. Ed Tucker appeared; he looked at Nick with surprise, and made it evident.

"Looks like I will be taking the stairs." Nick said, getting away as soon as possible. He didn't even get the chance to see the state in which Tucker was in, yet alone ask him where he was bound.

Ed, balanced his way over to Olivia's apartment. He knocked harshly, for an instant she thought that it was Nick, and that he had forgotten something. She quickly got up, unlocking the door, "Ni-"she said, noticing that Tucker was at her door. Viewing what state he was in, she quickly made him come in, she knew that most her neighbors were probably out, but she didn't want anyone to see a drunken man outside her door yelling.

Ed grabbed her from the wrist, "We need to talk," he pulled her closer, "it's about" he managed to say, before she pushed him off, making him tumble on top of the couch. Her eyes widened to see in how he was, she remained unsure if she should call anyone. The only thing that really kept her from calling anyone was that he might add it to the reasons of why he hates SVU.

Olivia looked right at him, "What is it that you need? Do you want me to take you home, call you a cab?" He smirked at her, foreshadowing that he had no intentions on wanting to go home.

"Come here" he called her over. His sloppy posture made it difficult for her to find a spot on the couch. So she decided to sit, on the couch's arm, most farthest from him. She didn't know what to say next, all he did was look at her. She waited for him to say something more, but nothing. Olivia was about to get up, when he said, "Look, Olivia, I'm sorry about what happened last time. It's just that you're so pretty, you know that?" He scooted his way over to her, putting his hand on her lap.

"Ed, I have no idea why you are here. What happened before is not relevant." She said as she shook his hand off of her thigh.

"No, it's not. I still like you."

"Yeah, but I don't. Is that too hard to understand?" 

"Yes!" he cried out, "Why don't you want me?"

Olivia shook her head; she knew it was useless to argue with him in that state. "Do you know, that you're drunk?" she said really sassy.

"Am I?"

Olivia took the opportunity, "Yes, very. Look, Ed. I think that it would be best for both of us to talk, when you're in a better state. Do you need me to call a cab for you, because I can."

"No, no, no." he said with his eyes closed, "I'll stay here in your sofa. I think it likes me." She quickly rolled her eyes, and said that as soon as he didn't feel drunk, he could leave. She brought him a blanket, tossed him a blanket. Olivia mentioned that if he needed anything, that he should just knock on her door.

"Oh my god, " she said as she walked into her bedroom. She walked over to the window, opened it half way in hope that some fresh air would make her feel better. Dragging her feet, she made her way back to her bed. From there she saw Noah sleeping. Olivia jumped on her feet to go and close the window; she didn't need Noah getting sick again. A strong sigh escaped her body as she lay in bed. All she wanted was a little sleep after what had happened in the courtroom with Nick, how all these emotions about him confused her. Besides everything that she has to juggle on her plate, Ed was making it worse.

Olivia grabbed Noah into her arms, he quickly awoke, and she then filled his tiny face with millions of kisses. She could hear him giggle as he kissed her chin. All she could do was smile, forgetting about the drunken man outside in her living room, forgetting about any man. Noah became squirmy, trying to escape her arms. "Wait a bit, baby." He was quickly set into his crib, where he stood holding on to the frame, "I'll be right back, okay baby."

She tiptoed her way to the kitchen and back, Tucker was in a deep sleep , but she made sure not wake him. As she looked back, before going into the room, Olivia noticed that her phone was left on the counter. Her hands grabbed it, putting it into her back pocket.

Noah was fed, but Olivia's stomach remained empty. She layed on the bed, with Noah at her side, noticing how he played with an empty box, and his blue and red drinking cup. A few hours passed by, his hands then began to rub his eyes, when the occasional yawn popped out of Olivia and Noah. As expected, he quickly fell asleep.

Olivia went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, changed into her pajamas. As she went to put her clothes into the dirty hamper, she felt her phone vibrate. The existence of her phone had been forgotten, in one whole move, she dropped her clothes into the hamper and had her phone in her hand, scrolling through the endless messages.

«Goodnight, Liv. See you in the morning, might be a little late though. Don't start cooking until I get there. Either way, goodnight.» (11:23 P.M.) A message from Nick read. She smiled, realizing that she would have plenty of time to kick Tucker, tomorrow.

«Night. Try to get some sleep, there's no rush. Sweetdrams.»(11:26P.M.) Nick's smile was bigger than ever when he read that. He was quick to text her goodnight one more time, and turned off the light in his room, trying to get some sleep.

It was around five in the morning when Tucker started to turn, opening his eyes to the darkness of Olivia's living room. A sharp headache then hit him, remembering that he had drank like there was not tomorrow. He took off the blanket that had captured her scent so strongly. The heater was on and Olivia had it on too high for a normal winter night. He was quick to unbutton his shirt and fall asleep. It wasn't hours later until he fully awoke, and gasped,"Ohh gosh." He wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but when he reached for his keys, he felt nothing. It was obvious to him, that Olivia had taken them.

He lifted himself up, almost failing to stand up. Ed made his way to Olivia's room, opening the door slightly. The first thing he saw was Noah in his crib, which was placed right next to Olivia's empty bed. At first he was a bit scared, but then he noticed her shadow. He opened the door wider, starring at Olivia, as she gazed at the window. Ed felt so bad, she should have been sleeping peacefully in her bed.

"Olivia," he called, and he saw as she quickly turned towards him.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"I assume you're ready to talk." She said very still.

They made their way to the living room. "Have you slept?" he curiously asked.

She cleared her throat, "I would be lying if I said no." In the back of her mind she was saying, _«For the love of god, put on a shirt.»_

"Sorry for bothering you last night."

"Ohh, it's fine, you weren't that big of a bother." Olivia said.

He put his hands over his face, shaking his head a bit vigorously, especially for someone in a major hangover. "You have no idea how embarrassing this is, especially since I have feelings for you."

"No, Tucker, please just stop."

"What do you want me to do, it's true." He said, as he grabbed her hand. She didn't move it, because she didn't want to be rude.

He leaned in thinking that there could be something more, but this time she looked away. His reaction was rather violent, he pushed her hand to the side, "So you're not interested at all?"

"Sorry." She said, wanting him to leave. He nodded, feeling extremely disappointed.

"Okay then, can I have my keys? I think it would be best if I left." Olivia nodded, standing up, walking to her room and back with his keys in her hand. Ed took them, looking at her for reassurance. That is when Noah let out a cry, and Olivia looked back towards the hall.

"Close the door on your way out, please. Oh, and don't forget to put on your shirt." She said as she went to her room. Noah almost stopped crying as he saw her appear inside the room.

Tucker shook his head a few times more, looking at the watch on his wrist, which read 7:52. He felt rejected, on top of that hangover, due to last night's excessive drinking. Never in his life had he felt this drowsy, ever. He grabbed his shirt, about to change into it, when he heard someone knock on the door. Without even checking who was knocking, he opened it, being face to face with Amaro.

"Ohh, Amaro. What are you doing at Sergeant Benson's house, this early in the day?" he questioned, noticing that Nick had a two bags of what looked like food.

"Breakfast…" he said looking at his bare chest. Nick's voice sounded so cold, but it took Tucker a while to capture that. Tucker nodded, opening the door wide open, telling him to come in. He shook his head, "Where's, Liv?"

Ed looked at him confused, "Oh you mean, Olivia, she's in her room. Didn't get that much sleep last night, do you want me to wake her up for you?" he fooled around.

"No," Nick said furious, "Ju- Just give her this." He said shaking his head, giving Tucker the bags. Nick walked away; he jumped to conclusions, and kept walking. Though, he heard Tucker's voice call out to him, he never looked back, he couldn't because his eyes were watery. He took a deep breath once he got into his car, hitting the horn several times before driving off.

When Olivia finally went outside, with Noah on her hip, holding him with one arm, she noticed that Tucker was gone, and that there were two white bags on her counter, "No, no, no." she squealed. She knew that she should have taken care of time better. She looked at the clock on the wall, to see that it was barely eight. Olivia set Noah in his jumper, and quickly headed to her room. There she grabbed her phone, and called Nick. One ring, two rings, three rings and then five. He didn't answer, "I'm so stupid," she said under her breath. She called again.

"Liv," Nick answered, "sorry I didn't answer before, I was driving." He said in the same tone in which he had talked to Tucker, previously.

"No, it's fine. Why did you leave?" she asked worried, her voice was shaking, Nick could tell.

"You know why," he said. "Tucker, your lover was there. I really don't want to talk about this… See you Monday." He said before he hung up.

Night came; it soon became really cold, and the doorbell rang.. Noah's babysitter was there, just like Olivia had asked. The cab lagged on getting there in time, she asked the diver to take her to Nick's house. On the way there, she sat, looking at the lights and the streets, trying to remember exactly what she was going to say. _«What is Nick isn't home?»_ she asked herself.

As she closed the door behind her, she watched as the yellow colored cab drove off. Now all she had to do was make her way up the few stairs in front of his house, and knock. She knew he was there, his car was, and some lights were turned on. Olivia's hand knocked as if on the job, she then told herself to knock lighter, that Nick was no perp. "Hold on," Nick said. She smiled quickly, trying to look serious when he opened the door. "Olivia," he swallowed, "what are you doing?"

"Nick, I can't wait until Monday, I need to explain to you what happened."

Nick looked at her, her cheeks seemed so rosy because of how cold it was. He grabbed her hand pulling her inside, closing the door shut behind them. "You, don't have to explain anything. Remember you never told me anything about Cassidy, it's cool if your with… Tucker."

"I'm not with Tucker, he-"She managed to say, before Nick took her coat from her, then asking her to sit down, and if she wanted anything.

Nick cleared his throat, "You don't have to lie," he assured her with a smile. "I think it's odd, how I found about Cassidy and Ed, the same way…"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Cassidy had nothing but a robe, and Tucker only had his pants on." Nick looked at her perplex but sadden stare, "It's okay, Liv. I won't tell anyone anything."

"He was drunk," she blurted, "I let him in only because of that. He was so drunk, I wasn't going to let him drive in that condition."

Nick wasn't sure if to fully believe her, "Why was he there?"

"Ed, wants there to be something between us, but I can't." she said lost in his eyes.

"Why?" he said softly, now under control.

Olivia took a deep breath, just noticing the way in which Nick's hand was softly gripping her knee. She closed her eyes, "I-" she said, "I don't like him, I've never liked him." Nick smiled.

"I'm glad you don't" he said.

She laughed, "Why?"

"Olivia, you're a detective, a good one at that, let's not pretend you don't know why." His voice was deep and sweet, it made her blush. Her mind was filled with emotions, her body too, her face clearly displayed that. She couldn't take it anymore; his stare was so powerful she was afraid that she would melt, so Olivia looked away. "Please, tell me you do know why?" he asked her with such a miniscule voice, it was difficult to capture.

"I think I do…"

Nick cleared his throat, "So, what do you think?"

She didn't answer.

"Liv-"

"I'm not sure, Nick! I don't know, I'm scared to be wrong…" there was a long pause, between the both of them, having no eye contact made it easier. "Do you like… me?"

Nick smiled, still a bit unsure of how she was taking it, "I don't." he took a deep breath, making her chin point at him, gently holding on, so that she wouldn't look away. "I love you, Olivia." Their arms reached for one another, Olivia's face searched for Nick's. Their noses fiddled gently, before their lips joined them in a soft kiss. It was a slow gentle kiss. He grabbed her from the back of the head, pulling her closer, sucking on her inferior lip. He then began to bite it, when he let go of her lip, he saw how Olivia's eyes asked for more. They kissed once more, at a more passionate pace only slowing down when they lacked air.

Her head rested on his shoulder, as she tried to hide the smile on her face. She kissed his cheek, then his ear, whispering, "I love you, Nick." He grabbed her from the waist, lifting her on to the couch. Nick scooted her closer, and hugged her as he closed his eyes and kissed the top of her head. Olivia grabbed his hand, looking at it closely, then bringing it towards her face, kissing it lightly.

"Oh, Liv," she felt him speak on top of her head. He gently kissed her temple, saying, "you have no idea how much I love you."

She looked back at him, her glowing eyes, "Then seeing Tucker in the morning must have hurt." She tried fixing her posture, sitting up straight, facing him.

"It did, it really did, but not as much as seeing you upset the day before. Don't do that to me again, please. Never walk away." Nick said with a shaken voice, one that knew pain.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"Shh, don't be, because without that we wouldn't be here." He kissed until their lips begged another break. 

**AN: I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Please comment what you think, I'd love to hear new feedback. **


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